Make yourself at home and suggest as you see fit. It is, truly, manly to share your wisdom on manly topics. In this case though, while fighting knives are manly, and I will one day devote a post to them, I suspect most executive types, outside of Japan, don’t have the cultural background to use one in a suicide attempt. This is why I recommended the straight razor, as in Western cultures it has been associated with such acts in print and film and that might make it easier for them to proceed with their self termination. We don’t, after all, want them to botch the job and tie up medical facilities that others need.

Don’t be a stranger,
Mister Manly

Just targeting my advice toward the audience that, I suspect, needs it most. Really, how many Wall Street types are going to know how to get modern high rise windows open, meaning they won’t be able to jump, and will be looking for other options.

Mister Manly

The AR-15 is an excellent weapon and one I considered for this post. In many ways it would be a better choice than the MP5. Concealability, however, is most important in this case, so I went with the smaller weapon. After all, we are talking about New York here, and their police seem right touchy where firearms are concerned.

Mister Manly

It’s nice to know we have something else in common.

Mister Manly

Sounds like a fun trip, for the most part. Of course, any god that tells me I can’t drink Scotch had better be bullet proof. Which makes me think the story could be extended.

Ah shit … missed. The heavy slug with a tremendous amount of accumulated energy, however, doesn’t drop safely to the floor, but pushes through the cheap modern construction of the synagogue wall, flies free and clear for half a mile or so, goes through a stained glass window without even noticing, and splatters the head of the Pope, who was making a secret visit to coordinate the Catholic vote for the upcoming elections, all over the back wall of the conference room. Within a matter of hours, ballistic experts figure out the origin of the fatal shot and, shortly there after, this bit of information is leaked to the press, which plasters it across every newspaper and TV set in the free world.

The public outrage at this, and there would be so much from so many diverse sources, forces both Presidential Candidates to renounce Israel and Jews in general. Seeing the writing on the wall, even the Jews in Congress fall over themselves to vote in favor of cutting off all ties to Israel. The next day, war erupts in the Middle East.

Things look bad for the Jews for a day or two, but then they manage to take advantage of the less than coordinated nature of their numerous opponents and begin to get the best of the fight. Of course, at this point things go horribly wrong when Russia, still pissed that they lost the Cold War, starts air lifting “advisers” and military supplies into Syria. As the tide of battle begins to turn, the US President, who was looking forward to quietly riding out the last days of his second term in office, gets to thinking about his “legacy,” and launches a good deal of our ICBMs at Russia, the Middle East in general, Pakistan, India, China and, in a surprise move, Canada.

While said President is assassinated the next day by his wife, he wins the Nobel Peace Prize a decade later after climate scientists confirm that the nuclear attack saved the planet from Global Warming.

Hi MJ,

The Japanese have been fond of ritual suicide for several centuries. It seems to work for their culture. It also causes me mental problems as, since their women also do it when necessary and I’m thinking it takes a hefty amount of guts to slice your belly open, it’s difficult to make a determination as to the manliness of the act.

Unfortunately, I suspect that your Middle America scenario won’t produce the desired result. Unlike Big City Liberals, small town folks also cling to obeying the law, so the worst that would could be expected is a good beating and some jail time. People seeking this sort of death should plaster themselves with McCain stickers and run through the rougher section of any big city.

Mister Manly

Don’t forget that they could just run out to a small town in gun-clinging Middle America, declare themselves a crook from Wall Street, and then let things take care of themselves…