Manly videos

March 20, 2009

And this is why it’s good to have close air support…

Buy American or get off the road!

This may not be as manly as a Corvette, but it’s at least interesting…

Mister Manly wants one of these…


Hard times for Mister Manly

March 16, 2009

While I apologize for neglecting this blog for so long, I have had good reason for doing so.  I took a few days off to play lumberjack, and harvest a bit of timber off the farm, Paulownia trees to be exact, which look like this…

 paulownia_tree2b

… and fetch a pretty penny in Japan, their native country, if they’re not allowed to get too large.  That’s because they tend to develop a hollow space in the middle as they age, which makes them difficult to convert to lumber.  So, like many things on the farm, when they’re ready they’re ready and you’re working on their schedule. 

Anyway, while risking life and limb while playing with chainsaws, falling trees, and loading large (and heavy) logs onto trailers with a front loader is fun and very manly, it wasn’t enough of a masculine boost to prepare me for the political situation awaiting me when I finally had time to pay attention once again.

Come on people!  I turn my back for a couple of weeks and we have some a smooth talking drug addict socialist in the White House, Congress is falling all over themselves to hand out my money to fucking useless Suits on Wall Street who are wetting their over priced clothes because they tossed the dice with other people’s money and lost, and my wife is harping at me to get my hair “styled” before our son’s wedding.  Honestly, these things have made me take a bit of personal time for contemplation.

The result of this deep thought is:

1.  Since my son is in favor of my hair slaughter, I’ll do it for his sake.

2.  The majority of American citizens are morons, and a good depression that starves off the idiots among us will do the country as a whole a good deal of good.

3.  To make back some of the massive loss of tax dollars the wimps on Wall Street and in Washington have sucked from the common funds, we should start issuing hunting permits on them.  Really, I know several people who would put down several thousand dollars for a chance to have a prominent politician’s or a Wall Street fat cat’s head mounted on their wall.  Now that’s what I call a stimulus.

4.  On the dark side, it looks like a bit of manly advice on how to survive the disaster our crap politicians have heaped upon us will be necessary, and I’m hard at work to collect and get ready to publish it.

Once again, sorry to take so long, but even I, Mister Manly, was caught off guard by the rapid stupidity that has hit us lately.  Oh, and I also waisted a few days talking myself out of making a one man march on Washington to protest the State of the Union, with lots of guns and a death wish.  I’m past that now, although I’m not all that certain it was a good decision, but I’ll stick to it for now.

Crap,
Mister Manly


Less expensive manly Christmas gifts

December 15, 2008

As requested by my friend, MJ, here are some manly gifts that are less expensive.

For those who are on a really tight budget, the best gift may be a bit of information and time to follow where it leads.  With that in mind, give your man this reference, http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/library/policy/army/fm/,

and promise not to pester him for spending hours reading the massive number of US Military field manuals that are available on line for free.  Just be sure that, once he gets into reading this stuff you remember to make him eat and drink occasionally.

Any man will be quite pleased with the gift of a pocket knife, and this one…

… will be even more appreciated as it’s not the run of the mill multipurpose tool, but is specifically designed to be useful in emergency situations.  At $90 it’s at the top of today’s price list, but it has a blade designed to cut through safety glass, which is mucho manly.

And if you’re looking for a gift that leads to a bit of hands on fun…

… this massage ball should do the trick.  It’s only $11 and, well, if you only use it once I’d say that’s money well spent.

A more practical gift is this set of multi-purpose tools…

… with the key being that, while they’re not heavy duty implements, at $20 they are a handy addition to the tool box and give one the option of taking one or two tools to make a minor repair without having to tote a large number of tools to hard to reach locations.  I know several professional service and repair people who wouldn’t be caught dead without these items.

If your man cooks, he can always use one of these

… 4″ paring knives from the same people who make Swiss Army knives.  At only $50, it’ll be a useful gift that lasts a life time and also shows that you have exceptional good taste.

If your man grills, and he most likely either does or wants to, a pair of tongs like this…

 

… will be most appreciated.  Since most men have some form of “grill tool set” they find themselves stuck with the crappy pair of cooking tweezers which is included and is nothing more than a piece of metal bent into the shape of the letter U.  This item, however, is a larger model of the standard and indispensable kitchen tongs and, at $11, should be something he can’t wait to play with.

Finally, and best, if he doesn’t already have one, get him a copy of this book…

… which you can pick up at most any book store for less than $20.  While it’s a bit old, it’s also probably the most manly book ever written, offering as it does such bits of wisdom as, “where you are weak show strength and where you are strong show weakness.”  This is unquestionably required manly reading.

Merry Christmas,
Mister Manly


Manly Christmas gifts

December 9, 2008

As Christmas approaches some of you may be having trouble choosing the perfect manly gift for your man.  In honor of Gov. Palin and the First Dude, I’ve decided on an Alaskan theme.

And what could be more manly than elk hunting?

I suggest a stay at Afognak Wilderness Lodge up near Seal Bay.  They have great scenery, rustic cabins, and lots of giant elk just waiting for that bullet with their name on it.  You’ll have to call for prices, but I suspect they’re in the “if you have to ask you can’t afford it” range.

Another hugely manly gift would be an entry in the Iron Dog snow machine race.  This event has been described as:

The Tesoro Iron Dog™ is the longest snowmobile race on the planet. Racers reach speeds in excess of 110 miles per hour as they speed over Alaska’s frozen tundra, enduring wind-chills which plummet down to a bone-chilling 50 below zero!

While I have never been in such a competition, it seems logical that one would require a snowmobile…

… and this one, a Ski-Doo’s MXZ Adrenaline with 600cc E-TEC, sounds like it would do the job.  For around ten grand you get a 120hp monster that has a better power to weight ratio than most sports cars, which should propel it at speeds far beyond anything a wimp would dare think about.

You’ll also need to get the cold weather gear and such, which will run you a few more hundred.

Another mental image that’s often conjured up at the mention of Alaska is…

… dog sledding.  While most people probably won’t have the need or desire to own a sled and a team of dogs, it would be a manly adventure to rent those things and learn how to make them go.  Fortunately, this is available at Northern Sky Lodge and Kennel.  You’ll have to call for prices, but if you can afford it Mister Manly says to mush on up there.

Another part of Alaskan life is flying…

… and learning to fly, besides being a good song, would also be a manly trial.  So pilot lessons would make a great stocking stuffer.  Prices will vary by area, but you can find a flight school near you here.  That site also has links pertaining to the actual purchase of a plane, but if I’m going to suggest you spend that much money I’ll direct you to a sports car page.

Finally, near the top of the big list of manly occupations is lumberjack.  This fact is celebrated in a series of lumberjack competitions that can be seen on any of the multitude of cable sports channels.  Obviously, most people won’t have the time or opportunity to devote themselves to perfecting their skill in most of the events, but most everyone has the time and money to practice this…

… the manly art of ax throwing.  While this is most likely a sport that apartment dwellers should shun, if you have a back yard then $90 can equip your man with a competition legal throwing ax, which comes with the rules of the sport and instructions for building a target.  Heck, buy two so you can both play.  Just be sure to let him win.

Mister Manly


Least Manly Award

November 25, 2008

It has come to my attention that someone named Audun Carlsen has accused this man person…

boy-g

normally usually known as Boy George, of really wanting to hurt him.  In the news item he says:

“George was slapping me and beating me and punching me and screaming things,” Carlsen said.

Carlsen said he was able to escape by unscrewing the hook and running for the door.

“I took a bit of time getting the door open and he had a metal chain that he was hitting me with,” Carlsen said.

So, in honor of getting your ass kicked by that freak of nature, Mr. Carlsen this award’s for you:

least-manly

Mister Manly

 


Manly Marines

November 24, 2008

Alright, I always knew the folks in our Armed Forces were tough, well at least since the Reagan Administration.  I have, however, encountered people who dispute my opinion, although only in situations where they figure I won’t dare punch them in the face.  Fortunately, thanks to the following video, sent to me by Ronin, indisputable proof of their manliness is now available.

Hoorah!

Mister Manly


Saving the auto industry the manly way.

November 18, 2008

It has come to my attention that our top three automobile manufacturers are in financial trouble, and their wimp CEOs are on their knees before Congress offering sexual favors if only the Government will bail them out of their mess with big piles of tax dollars.  Of course, since that mess is that the spineless executives in charge of these companies have become the bitches of the union thugs, so no amount of free money is going to save GMC, Ford, and/or Chrysler.

Fortunately, after noticing the number of news articles about piracy today, I’ve come up with a manly way for these companies to work their way out of financial difficulty without costing the American tax payer anything.  Congress and the President should grant letters of marque to the Big Three, making them legally able to act as privateers, or Government sponsored pirates sanctioned to attack ships of countries we don’t particularly like.  There are, last I checked, plenty of countries that qualify.

Given the violent history of the UAW, I’m sure there will be no shortage of people to man the ships.  I’ve even made up a flag for them:

baillout01

In addition, since New York is just as poorly run, and so is in just as bad a shape, financially speaking, I’m sure they’d turn over the Staten Island Ferry for a share of the loot:

baillout02

Which could quickly be armed with the latest weapons technology the auto makers can get their hands on, and based on how high tech their cars are this would be it:

baillout03

Still, with a little imagination and hard work that should be enough to at least get them started on the road to recovery, and it’s definitely a more manly choice than begging a bunch of politicians for a handout.

Mister Manly