Advice for Jayne

Jayne left this comment on another post:

Dear Mr Manly

So this is where you’re hiding these days! What I want to to know is…..how does a girlie girl find a manly man these days?

Any advice will be considered!

Jayne 🙂

Dear Jayne,

Your dilemma is due to a basic misunderstanding of how these things work.  You can’t find a manly man; he has to find you.  Always remember that men hunt and women nest.  This is the secret to understanding our basic natures, which have a good deal to do with almost every aspect of our lives.  Thus, if you want to get a real man’s interest, you have to present yourself as desirable prey that will make a good trophy if the hunt is successful.  Tracking and stalking are important parts of the hunt, so presenting yourself as a gift takes away much of the thrill and probably won’t lead to an exciting conclusion.  After all, a trophy that you didn’t win isn’t one a true man would put on his mantel.

Of course, prey that can’t be found won’t be hunted, so you need to frequent places where real men go and hope one picks up your scent.  Such places will vary from area to area, but you can usually count on hardware stores and supermarkets to have a few around most of the time.  Manly men, after all, like to fix things and cook.  Fixing things goes back to preparing for the hunt, and cooking implies that you brought down some game.  When in these stores, my advice is to try and look confused or puzzled.  Manly men are confident enough in themselves to freely offer advice on topics they know something about, and this is a good way to get them interested in hunting you.  Also, it’s quite possible that you’ll cross paths with the same man repeatedly, and this will increase your attractiveness as prey since it indicates another man hasn’t already captured you and a successful hunt won’t have unfortunate consequences.

On the other hand, there are some places where you will be wasting your time.  These include sports bars, nightclubs with dim lights and loud music, arcades, gymnasiums that admit women, any place with valet parking, fern bars, and any establishment that caters to vegetarians.  Real men appreciate sports but don’t idolize them.  We also realize that dim lights and loud music are only used to disguise what the patrons are really like, and we’re secure not to need that service.  We also focus intently on pin ball and video games, so you won’t be noticed.  If we go to a gym, we’re there to work out, not to display our physique.  Real men don’t allow anyone to drive their truck, let alone pay them to do so.  When we go to a bar, we go to drink and maybe knock a few heads together in friendly masculine competition, not to socialize with suit wearing wimps.  While, in general, we’re all in favor of people refusing to eat meat, since that just leaves more for us, but we avoid contact with people who only eat plants because, really, they remind us far too much of game animals, and who wants to go to jail for throwing a Vegan on the grill?

Beyond that, remember that desirable prey needs to appear healthy and fit.  Too much makeup, extreme hairstyles, high heels, and overly fashionable cloths all appear to a real man as attempts to cover up signs of illness or injury, so rely on your natural beauty, not stuff, to do the attracting. 

Hope this helps,

Mister Manly

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8 Responses to Advice for Jayne

  1. liquid says:

    Oh boy………I need to spend the better part of my night on YOUR blog!
    Taking notes!

    Love it, by the way……….
    Now I’ve gotta’ get back to reading you.

  2. 2lazydogs says:

    Alright, so I’ve tried the grocery store and the only men that pick up my scent are the ones that are already married. What now?

  3. mistermanly says:

    Hi liquid,

    Thank you for the complements. If, by the way, you have any specific questions, well, advice is what I do 🙂

    Hi 2,

    While I’ve heard it said that all the good men are taken, I don’t believe this to be completely true. Thus, it may just be that the grocery store you’ve chosen is in an area where the population consists mostly of married people. Try shopping in a store located near where singles live. Good luck.

    Mister Manly

  4. betme says:

    I think Mr Manly forgot to mention that you should lather yourself in the proper scent for the man you are trying to lure in. Bacon seems to work. Or you might want to highlight your ta-tas with with the scent of fresh baked cookies. Don’t try both at the same time as the manly men get a tad bit confused. 😉

    Mr. M ~ Your advice is brilliant 🙂

  5. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    Actually, if you want to use a scent lure I suggest motor oil or charcoal. Also, I would point out how nice it is to be appreciated 🙂

    Good icon, by the way.

    Mister Manly

  6. Jayne :) says:

    Dear Mr Manly

    Thanks for your invaluable advice – and here was I thinking along the lines of well dug pit traps and the like! I think your suggestions are much easier (and lots less work!) and am keen to get right out there, a bottle of O’de Deisel Fumes in hand.

    You have revolutionised my entire perception of the manly man! I can’t thank you enough 🙂

  7. mistermanly says:

    Hi Jayne,

    I’m always glad to be of service. Good luck.

    Mister Manly

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