Advice for Girly

Girly wrote in a comment:

Dear Mister Manly,

I need your help.  Can you please tell me why it is that men seem to be so proud of their bodily functions, particularly in the form of flatulence or belching?  I have noticed that this behavior begins at a very young age and never seems to diminish.  I would certainly never be sitting around with my girlfriends and just “let one rip”… however, if one should accidentally slip, I would politely say excuse me with an embarrassing giggle… and certainly would not be met with high fives by my girlfriends yelling  “good one!”  It seems that the louder and smellier they are the more proud they become!  I would really appreciate your insite…

Thank you,
Girly

Hi Girly,

I’m always glad to help when I can, and in your case it’s easy.  The basis of mens’ fondness for displaying bodily functions goes back to our hunter-gatherer days.  When a group of men headed out on a hunt, it was quite desirable for them to form a sufficient bond as to know that whenever the giant beast they were trying to spear turned on them, the man who slipped in the mud could count on his fellows to distract the animal long enough for him to get back onto his feet, and to survive other such dangerous stuff as a group.  At this point, evolution comes into play, making those who developed this bonding process into homosexual behavior much less likely to reproduce, and those who learned to laugh at farts and belches as a way to become comrades, but not sexually attracted comrades, more likely to get some when they brought home the meat.  Remember that the theory of evolution is best expressed as, “He who breeds, succeeds!”

Of course, this ability is not really that important anymore, but evolution is a slow process and we, as a really big group, are attempting to rush things.  Thus, the fondness men have for belching and farting jokes is going to be with us for a generation or five, and there’s not much that can be easily done about it.

Hope this clears things up,

Mister Manly

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13 Responses to Advice for Girly

  1. Girly says:

    Mister Manly,

    Thank you for taking the time to explain this to me… I still don’t understand it. Guess I will just have to accept it as another one of those guy things. I remember my husband once telling me that he knew he was in love with me when he could comfortably fart around me…. be still my heart!

    Girly

  2. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    It’s in the same category as why women obsess over shoes. On the other hand, without these little differences, life would be a lot more boring.

    Mister Manly

  3. MJ says:

    Hysterical.

    My boyfriend tells me that he was always in love with me, but the day I embarrassingly let one rip was the day we became best friends. Go figure.

  4. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ,

    Heredity, can’t live with it; can’t live without it.

    Mister Manly

  5. betme says:

    Insightful… It seems that we need to let men fart so as to avoid a form of neutering or metrosexualizing them.

    I will keep that in mind during the next “Dutch Oven” attempt.

  6. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    Actually, if your man is farting and/or belching excessively in your presence, that could be a sign of MBD (Male Bonding Deficit.) You should make him spend at least one evening a week with the guys, playing poker or shooting pool, or something along those lines, and see if that clears up the problem.

    Mister Manly

  7. Patrick says:

    Hmmm… I admit, I don’t understand this one that much.
    I do know that I just love farting. It almost feels like a kind of human expression. It always elicits a reaction and is never boring. Why so proud? Is it the same feeling, but a bit less, than making your own music? For the manly perspective, does it represent how much you were able to put into your system and now release in a distorted form?

    I don’t know. I know I enjoy it, I know I feel pride, I know I do it with a strut, and I know I even get amused when alone. I even stick my phone down there and let one rip to amuse the other side.

    If a girl would do that to me, I know I know I know that I would fall in love instantly. My friend once said that you know you are really comfortable with someone when you have no qualms about farting in front of her or her family. I still live by this. But perhaps that’s maybe why I’m single.

    -patrick

  8. mistermanly says:

    Hi Patrick,

    I believe you have the basis for a new business, the fart-gram.

    Mister Manly

  9. Girly says:

    The fart-gram LOL! … that should win some hearts.

  10. Patrick says:

    Mr Manly and Girly,

    Hello, I’m back. This is a good place to be. I’m not so anxious. Can you help me? One of my problems is I’m always in abstraction and can’t visualize, act, and see it in the concrete. Can you give some advice where I can picture it, test it out, on how to get going with this business?

    I know, more or less, it’s meant as a joke, but let’s just say, let’s just say, I take it to another level for experimentation. How can I do it? You know I will….try to win some hearts this weekend, hehehe
    -Patrick

  11. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Made you laugh! Made you laugh!

    Hi P,

    I suspect your basic business model could be based on any of the existing message delivery services in your area. For most young businesses, the key is to target your advertising carefully. No sense wasting money telling people about your services who aren’t likely to use them. I suggest starting with fliers posted on college campuses and in bars catering to a younger crowd. A few posted near construction sites might also be a good idea. You should also have business cards printed. The basis for all this should be a catchy graphic, a winged F made of smoke or some such.

    You’ll also want to determine your fees, and the limiting parameters for your service, will produce an audible fart within x feet of intended target and that sort of thing, to keep the lawyers off your ass, so to speak. I also suggest offering to wear any one of several costumes – Supreme Court Justice, policeman, etc. – during the delivery. You should also present the targeted individual with a certificate to commemorate the experience.

    Beyond that, I suspect you’ll have to obtain at least one business license. It will, eventually, be necessary to accept payment by credit card, so give that some thought. Liability insurance should also be high on your list of priorities.

    Some attention to your diet, I’m guessing, may also be required. Beans, perhaps?

    Good luck and let us know how it goes,
    Mister Manly

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