Advice for the

Another one from email:

Mr. Manley;

I need help.  Recently my two flatmate’s (both of whom have long term girlfriends back home that they live with) told me that I needed to change if I wanted to be successful in a long term relationship.

You have to understand that they told me that I did not need to change many things; just that I needed to make big changes in the things in need of attention.  In their words, I am “what every guy USED to be.”  I am too independent and hell bent not to answer to anybody for my actions.  If I want to go out for the night I will not accept that I need to give an explanation of my exact plans.  When I return home the next day I refuse to have somebody badgering me to give an account of my actions.  According to them most women find this unacceptable and therefore, rather than look for that .01% who can abide by how I am I should change to become more like them.  This would entail answering the phone ALL 5 times that a woman may call over the course of two hours and talking about how work was for well over an hour.  This means taking one minute to explain to her each seven and a half minutes that I actually worked.  “Work was fine” is unacceptable to their women.

Do I need to change and loose my independence, and, by extension much of what makes me a man in order to attract a long term mate?

Signed
-the man that every man used to be.

Dear the,

Your flatmates are wimps, and quite possibly homosexual.  Odds are that the girlfriends they claim to have are just a cover story to camouflage the affair they’re having with each other.  Ignore their advice at all costs.  For that matter, unless they do all the housework, you should consider moving out to escape their unmanly influence.

As to changing yourself, that’s not easy to do, well, without drugs anyway, and even if you accomplish it, there’s no guarantee that it’ll make finding the right woman any easier or more certain.  Besides, that would be turning your life into a lie, and lying is not manly, -10 MU.  Independence, on the other hand, is very manly, somewhere in the neighborhood of +30 MU.  So it sounds like you’re fine just the way you are, and I don’t see that being pussy whipped is going to make you any happier, although it will make you less manly, -25 MU.

Now, go have some fun while you still can.

Mister Manly

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30 Responses to Advice for the

  1. Girly says:

    Oh boy! 🙂

  2. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Shouldn’t that be, “Oh Manly!” 😉

    Mister Manly

  3. Girly says:

    You are so right! Please forgive me for even mentioning the “B” word in your presence. 😛

  4. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    You are forgiven.

    Mister Manly

  5. Girly says:

    Thank you Mister Manly 🙂

  6. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    It’s manly, +12 MU, to be magnanimous 🙂

    Mister Manly

  7. Girly says:

    Very manly indeed!

  8. betme says:

    Is there an honest correlation between ‘independence’ and ‘long term mate’ ???

    I meant to ask you for some Manly gift ideas prior to Father’s Day. I could still use some hints as Mr. J’s Birthday is around the corner.

  9. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    No general correlation as far as I can see. Of course, there are so many contributing factors to human relationships that it would be very difficult to look at just one in isolation.

    I will be happy to provide you with gift ideas. Would you like to put some limits on it, like price, size, and potential danger involved?

    Mister Manly

  10. betme says:

    I would love a full range of ideas… What manly men would really like as apposed to the patented answer, “I will love whatever you get for me.”

    He is pretty stocked up in the weapons department (although, I have been told that there is no such thing as too many guns for a manly man)

  11. Girly says:

    Oh, and just to add to b’s very good question!! What do you get for a manly man who seems to have everything, and if he doesn’t he goes out and buys it before giving you a chance to surprise him with it??

  12. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    That’s a big request, but I’ll give it a shot. Note that it will take a series of posts to even approach a comprehensive list, but I’ll try to cover a range of categories in each.

    Thanks, by the way, for the great idea.

    Hi G,

    Obviously, it’s a matter of timing. You have to find something he doesn’t know exists until he unwraps it and discovers he can’t live without it. I have some small talent in finding these things (my wife never dreamed of collecting teapots in the shape of cats before I sprang a handful on her for Christmas) so I’ll attempt to include such items in my posts.

    Mister Manly

  13. MJ says:

    A little late replying to this one, as I was getting a tan, but I have to absolutely agree with you MM. It sounds like Mr. TMTEMUTB is looking for women in the wrong places.

    I just want to raise his hopes that there are, in fact, women out there who:
    -can drink you under the table
    -can out-shoot you at the range
    -can kick your butt at [insert video game here] (my preference is Halo)
    -don’t give a crap where you’ve been as long as you haven’t been cheating
    -will however make you wish you’d never been born if you cheat
    -love you for who you are

    No settling necessary. Ciao!

  14. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ,

    Well said.

    All I have to add is that tans are unusual in that they are manly on a guy and feminine on a girl. Good luck with yours.

    Mister Manly

  15. Girly says:

    I can’t tan.. I only burn 😦 What does that make me?

  16. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Sore.

    Mister Manly

  17. Girly says:

    and red. 😆

  18. mistermanly says:

    Hi G,

    On the up side, most women look good in red.

    Mister Manly

  19. dolf says:

    First off, that you for the advice- they are leaving at the end of the month homosexual or not… I was surprised to find that turning my life into a lie was only -10MU. I suppose that the fact that come facet of everybody’s life is a lie contributes to the somewhat minor offense to your manliness.

    MJ- I appreciate your encouragement. You are, of course correct that these women exist- perhaps more so in rural areas than in the large cities. Is this a veiled suggestion that I search around the city instead of within the city for a woman? Drinking me under the table would no longer be a challenge as I gave up drinking years back when I discovered that it lead to unmanly actions (severe depression is not over manly, is it?)

  20. mistermanly says:

    Hi dolf,

    I’m most happy to be of service.

    As to the pittance of -10 MU for turning your life into a lie, sorry, but that is so common these days that the value of it has suffered considerable deflation.

    As to your need to relocate, while I encourage everyone to move out of cities whenever practical, my guess is that you’re simply not frequenting the right places to meet compatible women. Since you used the term “flatmates,” I have to assume that my American experience in social hangouts may not directly apply to your environment, but I’ve found that any joint which plays country music attracts women who are OK with men being men. Be careful though, as there are a surprising number of women pretending to be into country just for the thrill, but who are really looking for some sort of “metro-sexual.” I would also suggest getting involved in some form of wilderness sport. Women who can take care of themselves in extreme situations, like avalanches and bear attacks, tend to appreciate a mate who won’t slow them down in an emergency.

    As to drinking, it’s most unmanly to never give it a try, but it’s very manly to cast it aside if you feel the need. As to the manliness of sever depression, as I recall my studies of great art and literature and the producers thereof, it seems to be a net zero MU. Picasso, for instance, cut off his ear for a woman, which is highly manly, but didn’t get the girl in the end, which is very unmanly. So, unless you just have a fondness for being depressed, I’d advise staying away from it as, from a manliness perspective, it’s at best a toss up.

    Much good luck,
    Mister Manly

  21. meddlingshro says:

    As a self reliant girl, who hates most girls because they give the rest of us a bad name, the key is finding one with self-esteem. Albeit, that is tough. You find the one who doesn’t need explanations because she trusts you, because ultimately she loves herself. If you love yourself enough, you wouldn’t date someone you didn’t trust. With that, she has her own hobbies and certainly doesn’t have enough time to be calling you 5 times in an hour and quite frankly doesnt have time to badger you about every detail of the night.

    You find the girl with self-esteem and you find the one you have to work for. She will not so readily call you or do whatever you want. She won’t ask you where you going, cause she really doesn’t care. Jealously doesn’t exist and over analyzing facets of relationships that dont exist either doesnt happen. Self esteem is really what makes relationships work because it keeps either of you from being needy or depending on the other for happiness, support and basic needs (and that is neither manly or womanly 😉 )

    If I figured it out at 21, millions of women worldwide can out too, good luck.

  22. mistermanly says:

    Hi meddlingshro,

    Well said and a most welcome contribution to the discussion. Thanks.

    Mister Manly

  23. betme says:

    It really is all about trust.

    I trust that Mr. J knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will use the nail gun and nail him to the wall if he abuses my open trust and neglectfully abstains from giving me a courtesy call when he plans to make the guys night an all-nighter.

    Yep, it is all about trust. Trust me, I’ll do it. 😀

    It is not a lack of trust that has me asking Mr. J to check in from time to time. I need him to call so that I know I don’t need to worry about him being in an unconscious bloody heap in the bayou.

    It is not trust or lack thereof. It is respect for each other that has us picking up the phone. Consider it a life-line, not a choke collar. 😉

  24. Girly says:

    Very well said B!! My husband and I have the same understanding…. I don’t care where he goes or how long he will be, he works hard and deserves to go out with the guys… but, I deserve a courtesy call!

  25. dolf says:

    Ah, yes. Certainly if you are married or even living with somebody you do owe them a courtesy call and, to some extent you do owe an explanation of your time. I once told my sister that I did not owe her an explanation of what I was doing as I was not married to her. I informed her that if she wanted that she could go ask her husband as he agreed to share his life with her. (I am told that I usually am a little blunt.)

    I do not want to come across as being somebody who does not understand that relationships are give and take and that talking is a good thing. This came about after two guys told me that, in effect, if I wanted a long term relationship like they had with their wife / girlfriend I needed to give up all of my freedom and submit to the idea that 3 calls in an hour to check how I am doing is acceptable and I need to answer each of them.

    I can only marvel at how meddlingshroo seemed to hit on the issue. I have had one or two healthy relationships and they were exactly as she describes. A confident woman with self esteem is the answer to all. There is one in my life and it is just a little hard to figure out if we are compatible as she is always busy if I am free and I am busy when she is free. We seem to find time to see each other once every two weeks and are lucky to talk once a week. It does make the time we spend together a little more valuable but it is hard to really know somebody when you don’t / can’t spend a little more time with them. Oh, she is from Saskatchewan and was raised on a farm…

  26. mistermanly says:

    Hi dolf,

    I lived in Saskatoon for two years. They’re good people up there, and the farmers are an especially hardy lot. Hope it works out for you.

    Mister Manly

  27. meddlingshro says:

    Ah, but see there you go Dolf, like I said, you find the confident one, you find the one you have to work for. She’s busy, we’re all busy, but she won’t readily give up all her time, because she doesn’t need you. And thats a GOOD sign. So I say, work at it, she just knows how to play the game (some games are necessary). So work at it, put the effort in and suddenly you may find that she might have a little bit more free time. But don’t go expecting to be getting laid anytime soon, because us self confident girls know how to make you work for that too. In the end, its worth it and you appreciate it so much more. And as for being Canadian, well I live with two of them and they are fantastic people. Good luck, dear.

    (For all the women out there who don’t get it…I highly recommend reading “Why Men Love Bitches. It will revolutionize your life.)

  28. Patrick says:

    Wow! This is one of the better ‘help’ columns I’ve read…and a lot of useful comments too!
    Ann Landers, Phil, you know…that stuff….they have nothing on you.
    -patrick

  29. […] Behind Avoiding Foreplay Jump to Comments Hello. This is Pierce. After reading Mr Manly’s post and advice for relationships, it got me thinking. It got me asking. It got me fretting about how I haven’t been involved […]

  30. mistermanly says:

    Hi Patrick,

    Thanks. I do what I can. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised at both the quality and quantity of the comments. Many thanks to all.

    Mister Manly

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