Manly gifts, volume I

I’ve had a request to suggest manly gifts for men.  I’ll do my best.  Please note that I’m not endorsing any specific company that supplies these things, but am only providing links to their sites to give readers a starting point for looking into the product, and because I used their pictures to illustrate said product.

Possibly the most manly item to own is a pumpkin gun.

Running off compressed air, some of these things can shoot a pumpkin over a mile.  Take a moment to stop and smell the testosterone…..  Unfortunately and to the best of my knowledge, there aren’t any available commercially.  I suspect, however, that used ones could be picked up off the Internet, or you could just gift a building fund so the man in question could build his own, making it an even better present.

Speaking of construction projects, one of the least manly parts of them are the sissy, but necessary, protective goggles.  That drawback can be overcome with these:

That’s right, military specification goggles that are built to resist bomb fragments.  Running around $60, I’d say this is an affordable way to make the workshop and lawn chores more manly.

 

Moving on to the weapon front, and little is more manly than that, pick up a combat ax for your special man at around $60.  Keep in mind that these things aren’t the antique crap that the Vikings used to kick Europe’s ass, but are made from the best modern materials and, as I’ve seen in demonstration films, can be used to chop a car into scrap metal.  Since these are one of the in demand items for our combat troops serving in Iraq, you might even want to buy two and send one to a service man/woman.

Here’s a gift that, even if your man has already purchased a lessor version, is a must:

Obviously, every man carries a multi-tool any time they step outside, but this one looks like the ultimate in the field.  I’ve had my eye on it for a while, but haven’t gotten around to ordering one yet.  Mail order, unfortunately, isn’t manly.  Still, if you send off for this $50 piece of hardware, it should make a fine present.

On the other hand, playing with fire is mucho manly,

and if your man is into lawn care, what better gift, in the $300 range, than his own weed devastating flame thrower!?!  I do, however, caution that this may not be an appropriate gift for those in dry States.

For those of you into shooting I suggest these targets,

I have no idea what they cost, but it can’t possibly be that much, and what better way to make an afternoon at the range more fun?

Which brings us to a most manly present for the man into grilling, beef!

Not that crap you can pick up at the local supermarket, but real USDA certified damn super fine Angus beef!  It’s not cheap and it won’t last, but, heck, you have to splurge every now and then, so give your man a chance to shine at the evening meal.

Hope this helps,

Mister Manly

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13 Responses to Manly gifts, volume I

  1. Girly says:

    Mister Manly,

    Wow! Thank you so much for the great ideas! I think I am defitnely going to look into the pumpkin gun… He has never asked for one, but, I know he would love it and building it himself would be a bonus!! And for once, I could actually surprise him. That, or the flame thrower! And thank you to b for asking the question that I think is on most women’s minds. 🙂 His birthday is next month, I had better get moving!

  2. Girly says:

    I just realized that this was volume 1.. that means more is coming? Ok.. better wait before I make a decision. I only want the best for my manly man!

  3. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    I feel obligated to point out that, while the pumpkin gun is a tremendously manly gift, actually using it requires a good deal of land and/or a good lawyer. Unless you already have these, you might want to go with the flame thrower until you can give him the entire air cannon package.

    As to Volume I, I’m thinking I’ll make this a weekly feature. Actually, I was considering opening a separate blog for this sort of thing, but after today’s quick post, I think it melds nicely here. Who knows, perhaps my wife and/or son might read it and get a gift idea 🙂

    Mister Manly

  4. Girly says:

    Yeah, although, we do have a lot of land… our nearby neighbors might not appreciate it too much…. I’m leaning towards something a little less disruptive… the only problem with the flame thrower, after thinking about it for a bit, is that I am rather fond of my trees… and grass.

    I think this would be great as a weekly feature! I have a lot of men to buy for! 😉

  5. mistermanly says:

    Hi G,

    It is, of course, manly and wise to keep the feelings of your neighbors in mind when embarking on a new project. On the other hand, if you have some sort of score to settle with you neighbors, the pumpkin cannon could be a manly, but less than lethal way to bring things to a conclusion.

    As to the weekly manly gift feature, it sounds like a good idea to me, and I’ll try to work in a wider range of ideas.

    Mister Manly

  6. 2lazydogs says:

    Hmmm…I’m just trying to figure out how I’ll wrap the pumpkin gun.

  7. mistermanly says:

    Hi 2,

    Just put a bow on it and sneak it onto the front lawn before sun up.

    Mister Manly

  8. MJ says:

    I do recommend for those on a smaller budget and/or those without good legal counsel to try a potato gun instead. Much smaller, but only a little less manly. Easily made.

  9. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ,

    While potato guns are fun, this is an area where bigger is manlier 🙂 Of course, with food prices continuing to climb it might be best to make a cannon to fire basketballs.

    Mister Manly

  10. betme says:

    Mr. Manly ~ As usual, your post is an inspiration. However, I am extremely worried as most of the gift suggestions are items that I want as well. I mean seriously, that flame thrower is ta die for! Perhaps I have been hanging out with the guys too much.

    I need to spend the weekend watching the Oxygen channel and see if I can regain some of my girlie ways.

    I mean, can you imagine how much fun it would be to knock someone out cold with a pumpkin?

    Excuse me while I go put on some nail polish. Maybe the fumes will clear up the high testosterone levels.

  11. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    There is nothing wrong with being a bit butch, so long as your man is up to the competition, which may even goad him into manning up some 🙂 You should also note that shared interests can contribute to keeping a relationship exciting. Thus, if you and your husband want to shoot together or throw axes together, that’s a good thing. Just remember to let him win occasionally 😉

    As to the pumpkin gun, the big ones won’t knock a person out, but will kill them. Really, the kinetic energy of a 10-20 pound object traveling at the velocity of most pistol rounds is up there with stuff the military wants to achieve. Combine that with the squishy nature of a pumpkin, which would act like a hollow point round, and the effect would be devastating to a human target! Cool stuff! Of course, since there’s no rifling in the barrel and the projectiles are irregular in weight and surface properties, the chances of hitting a distant target with a pumpkin launched from one of these cannons is remote, but it’s still really manly and cool that people cobble them together as a hobby.

    Mister Manly

  12. Girly says:

    Could be fun to launch one at a car….

  13. mistermanly says:

    Hi G,

    It sure could! The results of any heavy object moving at high velocity impacting with a car are always interesting to observe. On the other hand, it’s also interesting to see a device in action that can fling a car into the air and watch said vehicle crash back to earth. I’ll try to include that device in my next gift post.

    On a bit of a side note, I’ve also wondered at the possibilities of launching other vegetables by similar means. Watermelons, for instance, seem like a natural. A rapid fire tomato gun also sounds like an interesting line of research. So much tinkering to do, so little time, and money 🙂

    Mister Manly

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