Manly gifts, volume II

Since my in box is empty, except for spam offering assistance if I need to expand the size of my male anatomy or offering pills to restore functionality to it, neither of which is a requirement at the moment, here are some more manly gift ideas.

A man never knows when he’ll get the urge to go a viking or turn pirate, so it’s manly to prepare for the call.  This,

is an authentic Scottish Officer’s Basket Hilted Sword from the Victorian era.  It’s a bit pricey at £1850.00, twice that in US dollars, but it’s one of the best swords ever made, at least in this price range, and if you’re going to get into a sword fight, it would be a fine choice.  It would also make a mighty fine focus for the decor of a man’s den, not to mention that it’s value should increase nicely over the years.

For a fight of a different kind, with meat and vegetables in the kitchen, I suggest this,

While it’s not quite the best chef’s knife in the world, the Kasumi Titanium Chef Knife comes close.  The titanium coating makes it rust proof and extremely durable, while the blending of that metal with an exotic high carbon steel alloy makes the hand crafted edge sharper than most people would believe possible, which means it must be treated with respect or the user will loose a finger or three.  Still, if your man likes to cook, at $150 this is a manly and practical gift that should give years of fine service and be one of those items your children fight over when you die.

It would be wrong to neglect power tools,

such as this Yard Machine Model:  24A-452G500 wood chipper.  While this is not a professional quality machine, only being able to grind 2 inch diameter branches into chips, at around $900 it’s a good choice for occasional use, and provides a goodly bit of manly excitement after a storm.  There’s also something in this for you ladies, as wood chips make excellent mulch for your flower beds and/or they make a really good addition to the compost heap.

Moving up a step in manly power tools,

we have the chain saw.  Few common power tools have the manliness of these cutting beasts.  They’re loud, dangerous, and give off noxious vapors, much like the man wielding it.  If you don’t have the time or endurance to chop that wood up with an ax, you have to have one of these.  The one pictured is a Stihl MS 250 C-BE with a 12 inch bar.  I own, roughly, the same model, but with a 16 inch bar, so I can personally testify that it’s a cutting demon.  I have, once, driven mine straight into a tree with almost no effort.  It’s also easy to start, for a chain saw, and requires very little maintenance.  Even better, it’s amazingly dependable.  We heat with wood, so my saw gets a good deal of use, and in the three years I’ve owned it the only mechanical problem I’ve had was a cracked fuel line, that cost less than $20 to fix.  While prices vary around the country, they are selling for around $300 here near Memphis.

Here’s a great manly gift idea for city dwellers, an introductory welding kit,

That one is a a basic one from Lowes, but it’s a marvelous starter set and a big boost to your local manliness manly rating.  At less than $300, and the risk that your man will fill your yard up with metal sculptures, it’s a good gift that he’ll never see coming.

If you don’t want to shell out the big bucks, or encourage your man to risk life and limb, try this,

Go to your local liquor store and pick up a bottle of their best single malt Scotch whisky.  That’ll probably run you less than $100 and, even if he doesn’t drink the stuff, just having the bottle on display will give him a manliness boost from his friends, which is a worthwhile goal.

Along the same lines, but with a slightly more practical purpose,

is a good first aid kit.  This one runs around $30, but just having it in your vehicle or workshop implies that you would treat any injuries you might suffer yourself, and continue working.  This is extremely manly.

If you want to give your man a manly hobble that you might enjoy as well, point him toward home brewing.

Not only is making your own beer mucho manly, but it’s a hobby that takes up a lot of time, makes a good conversation piece at parties, and doesn’t really cost that much.  The above photo shows a good starter kit, the Mr.Beer® Deluxe Edition Beer Kit, which runs a little less than $40, and is a good test for interest in this arcane art before investing in more complex equipment. 

Mister Manly

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16 Responses to Manly gifts, volume II

  1. […] Go to the author’s original blog: Manly gifts, volume II […]

  2. 2lazydogs says:

    Yeah, my box is empty, too. Gah! Sorry Mr. Manly, I just couldn’t resist. 😈

  3. mistermanly says:

    Hi 2,

    I suspect you’ve been spending too much time at Evyl’s 🙂

    Mister Manly

  4. Girly says:

    Well, it’s nice to know that you aren’t in need of any male anatomy enhancers.. 😛

    I think the chainsaw along with the first aid kit would make a great gift set.

  5. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    My wife seems happy and, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.

    You are correct about the chainsaw being dangerous. The operator should always wear appropriate safety gear, including eye protection. It’s also important to keep your attention on the cutting as it only takes a moment for things to go horribly wrong. Running a chainsaw is serious business.

    Mister Manly

  6. MJ says:

    Even though I’m female, I would happily receive all of the above as gifts for my birthday. Especially the liquor. Maker’s Mark please. I think I would end up using the chipper for other things… moving bodies perhaps….

  7. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ,

    That just shows your good taste. Personally, I’m torn between wanting the sword and the chef’s knife. I’d get more use out of the knife, but our hedges need trimming and that sword would make the chore much more fun.

    Mister Manly

  8. 2lazydogs says:

    Yes, Mr. Manly, it is true. I’ve been spending far too much time at Evyl’s. But I notice you’ve been over there as well…better be careful, he might rub off on you! Have a great weekend Mister M!

  9. mistermanly says:

    Hi 2,

    Have no fear of Evyl turning me evil. I’ve been evil for years, but I mostly keep it under wraps through my manly powers of self control

    The weekend is looking good. I’m making stuffed manicotti with spicy meatballs served over spinach sautéed with garlic, heavy cream and Parmesan cheese, smothered with tomato sauce laced with basil and shredded fresh oregano. Plus, as an added bonus, my tractor has an electrical problem that I get to tinker with! And if I get time, I have a large pile of freshly cut red oak to split into firewood and stack on the porch. All in all it sounds like the weekend is going to be excellent. I hope yours will be even better!

    Mister Manly

  10. 2lazydogs says:

    A manly weekend, indeed. Can I come over for dinner? Heh.

  11. mistermanly says:

    Hi 2,

    Actually, we require two weeks notice for guests. It takes that long to scrub the house to my wife’s satisfaction before showing it to anyone but family or really close friends. We also have to make arrangements for the dogs, who can completely spoil a guest’s visit by being vigorously friendly. Of course, if you just show up, we’re Southern so we couldn’t possibly turn you away 😉

    Mister Manly

  12. Girly says:

    Mmmm manicotti 🙂 All this manliness and you cook too?? my my. 😉

  13. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Cooking, which involves playing with knives and fire, is very manly, +17 MU.

    Mister Manly

  14. dolf says:

    I thought that I had better reply to you MJ and set you straight on the proper use of the chipper. You have to understand that it will only take a two inch branch and this model is, therefore, nearly useless for moving bodies (unless they be cats and gophers…) The other problem that you will immediately face is the police will track the receipt back to you and look at the chipper in your garage.

    Might I be so bold as to suggest an alternative? I would not dream of taking the joy of shredding the bodies of your enemies away from you but do not want to see you spend time in prison for simply ridding the world of people who are evil. If you get a friend to buy an industrial shredder at auction for you then there will be no record of your having owned a shredder. After using it for it’s intended purpose simply ensure that all hair and bone material is out and have another friend sell it at another auction. You will, in all likelihood, break even on the deal. If you time it correctly and buy it in the winter when there is minimal demand for it and sell it in the spring you stand to profit handsomely while still ridding the world of people who must be done away with. The key is putting up with them until winter. Good luck…

  15. MJ says:

    Dolf,
    Thank you for the wonderful words of advice. You are right that a standard chipper will probably not do the job I need it to do, except for maybe ridding the world of a few more squirrels. I will probably just stick to the old tried-and-true of re-pouring my concrete driveway every so often. With a cop car parked on top, I imagine no one will suspect a thing.
    MJ

  16. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ & dolf,

    I have 40 acres of marsh and woods that is almost never visited. It’s also overrun with coyotes. I’ve seen a deer carcass completely disappear in two days. This, I would point out, is a more efficient and more environmentally friendly method of corpse disposal than the ones mentioned above.

    Mister Manly

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