Manly Gifts, volume IV

Gifts, gifts, and more gifts.  Let’s start with this monster:

which is a Husqvarna K750 gasoline fueled power cutter.  This is the tool emergency responders use to cut people out of wrecked cars.  With a titanium blade, it has the power to cut through just about anything you feel needs to be separated into parts.  Men just love cutting stuff up, and having more capability than you need is very macho.  It’s a bit pricey at around $900, but it’s really sweet.

Another super present is this:

That’s a DR 156001 walk behind field and brush mower.  Available in several engine sizes, from 11 HP up to 17 HP, and with 4 forward gears and one reverse, this is a heck of a cutting machine.  You can get one for $600 or slightly less and, for additional green, a number of useful attachments are available: snow thrower attachment, a snow blade attachment, a 42” lawn mower attachment and a 6000 watt generator attachment.  This is very manly!

Fire is also very manly, when contained, and this item would be a lot of fun:

It’s an Arctic Chimenea Stack Black, costing $230 or so, and is basically an outdoor fireplace.  If you don’t have time to go camping, with this you can have a simulation of the experience in your back yard.  It also offers some interesting options for parties.

If you’re looking for a more modern gift at a more reasonable price consider:

That’s a cordless Dremel power tool which is an invaluable help at countless small tasks.  It can spin whatever bit is attached at up to 35,000 RPM, which makes it manly, and can, with the appropriate bit, be used to polish, sand, grind, cut, drill and a whole lot of other things.  At $80, it’s a piece of equipment that no man should be without.

Here’s something that no man, or woman for that matter, should be without:

It’s a cordless air compressor, that can inflate a car tire, or most anything else that needs to be blown up.  It’s rechargeable either from a wall socket or your car’s cigarette lighter, has a built in pressure gage, and even a flashing hazard light.  At $50, every car should have one of these in the trunk, and remember that it’s manly to be prepared.

Even better than the last item is this:

It’s also a cordless air compressor, but adds a jump starter.  Just think how manly it will be to rescue people with dead batteries without the hassle of moving your truck next to their vehicle.  Plus, with this available, you avoid the unmanly necessity of asking someone to give you a jump.  At $80 it’s a steal.

Continuing on with the preparedness concept, this would make a great addition to the average car trunk:

It’s a 155 piece tool kit, for $60, that, while it’s hardly an exhaustive selection of tools, has enough to handle most emergency road side repairs.  Really, if you can make some minor automotive repair because you had the right tool instead of calling a tow truck, it’s paid for itself. 

Men like to measure things.  It’s instinctive.  That’s why this:

30 foot tape measure would make a nice inexpensive gift.  They’re like $15 at any store that sells tools and make great stocking stuffers.  Don’t worry that he already has one, as this is the sort of thing where multiple copies are a good thing.  You need one for the truck, one for the house, one (or two) for the workshop, one for the garage, etc.

Of course, for measuring larger things, like your house or yard or a really big fish, a man needs:

a 300 foot hand cranked tape measure.  Only one of these is typically needed, so check his supply before buying.

Men also like to hit things, so they need one of these:

That’s an 8 pound splitting maul, used for big pieces of firewood into more manageable sizes.  While mine weighs twice that, this one will be suitable for most jobs and, you should note, it also serves as a sledge hammer, which is another item men should not be without.  It costs less than $30, and with a bit of creative wrapping, he’ll never guess what it is.

Of course, there are many times when, if we are to hit things correctly, we need something to hit them on.  That’s why this:

a 25 pound cast iron anvil, is a very manly gift.  It’s, surprisingly enough, less than $30, and I’ll bet that no one else in the neighborhood has one.

Mister Manly

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17 Responses to Manly Gifts, volume IV

  1. Girly says:

    Wow! That power cutter is rather frightening!!

  2. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Which is why the job of emergency responder is manly. As to using a power cutter, while I’ve never had the opportunity, I have seen them in use and they are awesome. They’ll cut through brick, concrete, or steel faster than my chain saw goes through wood. I keep telling my wife that we need one in case we decide to remodel our house, but she hasn’t bought into that logic yet.

    Mister Manly

  3. Girly says:

    Smart girl!

  4. MJ says:

    So I think I got it…
    Manly gift = something powerful that aids in destruction or aids in creation
    Let me know if I’m off…

  5. mistermanly says:

    Hi MJ,

    You’re close. Two other categories are dangerous toys, like a sports car or the pumpkin cannon, and items that aid in preparedness. Some things, however, are just manly by nature, such as maps and poker. Also, there are times when using a less powerful device, such as an ax instead of a chainsaw, is more manly. In many ways it’s a lot like the quote on pornography, “I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.” I’ve been working on a formula to determine manliness, but it’s proving to be quite difficult.

    Mister Manly

  6. Girly says:

    So maps are manly, but, asking for directions isn’t?

    For that matter, reading directions on how to put things together, is apparently unmanly as well.

  7. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Sorry, I wasn’t clear. Having maps is manly; using them, in most situations, is not. The same goes for assembly instructions. It’s manly to figure things out on your own. Suffering toward this goal, assuming that one doesn’t breakdown and use some manly tool of destruction on the item being pieced together or have a massive fit of road rage, is also manly. Remember, men hunt, and that goes better when one has the characteristics of determination, self confidence, and self reliance. In the modern world it’s not always easy to demonstrate these traits in the traditional ways, so we have to take what chances we get. If you think about it, this also explains why we are so tickled when we get to use glue or duct tape to repair something.

    Mister Manly

  8. Girly says:

    Ahh.. I gotcha! But, it just seems so much easier to pull over and ask for directions rather than drive around in circles all day and arriving at the destination an hour late.. or to read the directions rather than spend hours assembling something that should only take a half hour at most…. then, by the time it is assembled being to drunk from all the beer (apparantly assembling things causes severe thirst) to actually be able to use the assembled product. But, that’s just me. I’m not a man.

    I have found myself getting quite tickled over the use of glue or duct tape myself. *shrugs*

  9. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Easy is not manly. It would have been easy to just let the Mexicans have the Alamo, but it was manly to take the difficult path and defend it. It would have been easy to just assume that the world is flat, but it was manly to sail out to check. It would have been easy to leap to the conclusion that no one could dive off a hundred foot tall cliff into the ocean and survive, but it was manly to prove that theory wrong through human testing. It would have been easy to walk back to Athens after the Battle of Marathon instead of running 26 miles, but it was manly to get the information there as fast as possible, and even more manly to die as a result. It would have been easy for the 300 Spartans to have killed a few thousand Persians, then left in the middle of the night, but it was manly to stay and fight until the end.

    The practical point of this is that if someone is observing, men have an urge to take the difficult path so as to prove their man hood. Thus, if you want your man to pull over and ask for directions or read the instructions, pretend to be asleep.

    As to beer, all important physical exertion requires consumption of said beverage to maintain the balance of the male bodily fluids. This is much like the need for women to eat more spinach to keep their iron levels up. Of course, a real man has enough alcohol tolerance that getting drunk on beer, American beer at six proof anyway, is almost an impossible task unless one is doing anything but slamming it down. If sucking down a six pack causes your man problems in this area, I suggest that you have frequent Whiskey Weekends to build up his immune system.

    As to your manly traits, never fear. Part of being human is being well rounded where sharing of masculine and feminine traits is concerned. Without that, we would be more like some of the lower species that have totally separate male and female lives, except at mating time. Considering that the males in those species wind up being killed and consumed as part of the after mating cuddling, I’m quite thrilled that you display a bit of interest in masculine things 🙂

    Mister Manly

  10. Girly says:

    Point taken. I’ve never looked at it quite like that before..I suppose that is because I have never had it explained to me so well until now…Thank you for that.

    Honestly, I’m glad men are the way they are (frustrating as it can be sometimes) I love the feeling of being taken care of, knowing that my husband knows just what to do in any situation, and if he doesn’t he will definitely find out or at least pretend until he does figure it out….which makes me feel safe and secure. 🙂

    No.. a six pack would knock me on my ass! He doesn’t even feel it until he is well past a 12 or even 18 pack in some situations!

    It’s good to know I’m human, at least! 😉

  11. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    Life is good when you don’t fight it. You should also know that, at least for me, the nesting stuff my wife does is also appreciated. Clean sheets, who would have thought! And moving the furniture around so we had a better view out the patio door! Genius! Not to mention how nice it is when I come in with another bleeding wound which I figure will clot up eventually, but she insists on cleaning it out and bandaging it. Sweet!

    Ying and yang,
    Mister Manly

  12. Girly says:

    Yes.. I suppose we men and women do balance eachother out nicely. 🙂

  13. Girly says:

    Oh.. btw…Look for Girly Gifts: Volume 1… tomorrow 😛

  14. MJ says:

    LOL. Girly, I think he just described the difference between brawn and brains.
    😀

  15. betme says:

    The brush mower will make an excellent gift if we get the house with a couple acres. Mr. J would have a blast trying to chop up snakes with it.

  16. mistermanly says:

    Hi b,

    I use a 7.5 foot wide bush hog on the back of my tractor to do the trimming around the farm. The two blades on it weigh a bit over a hundred pounds and they spin at 540 RPM, which means that a blade cuts any given bit of terrain under the mowing deck every .06 seconds. I hit at least two snakes a year, just by random chance, and I have to admit that the red fog which comes out the back after such an encounter is rather satisfying. It’s not that I have anything against snakes in general, but they’re just so dang sneaky!

    Hope you get your acres,
    Mister Manly

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