Manly videos, part 1

July 31, 2008

It is my opinion that too many men are not experiencing enough manly entertainment.  With that in mind, I’ve decided to point out appropiate videos when I find them.  This offering is titled, YAMATO – The Drummers Of Japan II, and features a display of traditional Japanese drumming.  Notice that this means hitting over sized, and thus manly, drums with clubs. 

Mister Manly

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Manly girl gifts

July 27, 2008

Not too long ago Girly wrote:

And I for one, would love to see a post on what gifts men would like to give women….. don’t wait to be asked… just do it!! ;)

So let us get started with the understanding that I’m not going to give links or prices because, well, men like to worry about such stuff themselves, and because this post is more about why men want women to want these things than the actual items involved.

A school girl outfit. 

Men are both visually oriented and driven by fantasies from their youth and as seen in popular media.  While the woman who gets this present from her man may not like the outfit, I suspect she’ll be more than happy with the results wearing it around the house bring.

This is some sort of fancy jewel encrusted belt. 

I don’t even know how much it costs, but it looks expensive.  I do, however, suspect that your man would work an extra job to pay for it if you’d display it like that.

 

A pink Cadillac.

Sure, this isn’t a very practical gift, but men like cars and we want to share our interests with our woman.  We also, I have to admit, have a genetic predisposition toward thinking it’s good to give women pink things.  It sooths us in some primal way.  This gift is perfect, since you will no doubt look pretty cruising around in it on weekends, and he’ll get to have fun keeping it running.  If you pretend to like it, you will both, no doubt, have some fun in the back seat.

Speaking of pink, men love tools:

We also want to share the occasional project with our woman as a bonding experience.  Don’t worry ladies, after he sees you crawling around banging in a few nails with these, the only project he’s going to want to finish is in the bedroom.

Yes, those go on your nipples.

Visually speaking, women’s breasts are right up there where men are concerned.  We also are quite fond of Christmas.  If he gives you something like this, he’s saying, “I want to unwrap your breasts like the best Christmas present I’ve ever had.  Jingle, jingle.  Wear them under a loose fitting shirt and let him go treasure hunting.

 

This is one of those upper arm things.

It says exotic woman to a man, visual remember?  While a woman may see it as saying cheap whore, ignore your instincts.  Giving it to you is only your man’s way of saying he wants to keep your relationship spicy.  Wear it to bed and feel the heat!

Ah, the Love Swing!

Sorry ladies, but this goes back to that visual thing again.  It may not be flowers and poems, but it does mean he’s willing to do all the work, and for a guy that’s quite a commitment.

Chocolate body paint.

What can I say.  We, as men, have been bombarded by TV and movies for decades with the idea that women are head over heels for chocolate.  If you get something like this, it’s just his way of saying that he is trying to understand your needs, and that he still loves you, in that special way.

Foot trinkets:

Or ankle bracelets for that matter, are just a man’s way of saying that he thinks every part of you is sexy, and should be decorated.  Wear it with pride.

Mister Manly


Advice to Virgil

July 27, 2008

Our friend Virgil from the Gentleman’s Lounge once wrote in a comment:

“THERE ARE NO GAYS IN IRAN, I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU HEARD THAT!”

With that in mind, my advice to him, and everyone else, is to watch:

Music Video for Ahmadinejad and Iran: “Has Anybody Seen His Gays?”

Mister Manly


Go read this!

July 25, 2008

Go read this!  Then, if you can figure out how to leave a comment, tell L I said good work.

Mister Manly


Advice to Teen

July 25, 2008
This was waiting for me this morning:
Mister Manly,
 
I am in the business of giving advice to teenagers.  How can I make my occupation more manly?  Thanks.
 
– Teen Advisor
Dear Teen,
You have asked a most difficult question, as teenagers are rarely manly and dealing with them tends to suck manliness out of those involved.  I will, however, give it my best shot.
1.  If you don’t have a manly name, choose one, and use it to sign off on your bits of advice.
2.  Personalize you advice by working in mentions of riding your motorcycle, being disappointed that you had to skip your daily weight lifting to provide an answer, and that your typing might be off because of the damage some jerk’s face did to your fist last night.
3.  Take every opportunity to work in things like, “While it was acceptable for me to sleep with 57 women without using a condom before I got married, that was back when STDs could be cured with a shot of penicillin.  Today, you need to wrap it before you use it!”
4.  For those truly troubled teens who are lacking a strong parental influence in their lives, mention that, what with the Internet and all, you can find out where they live and come over in person to kick some sense into their hormone clouded heads.
5.  Start a summer camp program to teach teens to ride motorcycles, fish, hunt, handle firearms, or something along those lines.  Note that you can probably get Government funding for this.
6.  When the young ones admit that they have done something stupid, mention in your reply that you have, back when you were young, done something even more stupid, and that your best friend, who went along with you on the journey got killed in a most horrible way.  Make certain that you don’t over play this, but also mention that, every now and then, the nightmares wake you up at night.
7.  Mention how bad a crimp having to pay child support to that bitch you knocked up in college has put into your party schedule.
8.  Occasionally, work into your writing that you’ve had a minor accident from working on your car, chainsaw, or some other manly project, and mention that your readers shouldn’t worry about it affecting your work, because it doesn’t really hurt enough to bother taking the pain pills.
9.  Assuming that you don’t already have one, doctor up a picture of your face with a big scar down one side.  Use it for your icon.  When a teen asks about it, give them a version of why you are so sorry about killing the guy that did that to you back in high school, but that you are most grateful about having turned your life around.
Hope this helps,
Mister Manly

?!?tahW

July 25, 2008

It’s manly to be thorough in what one does, so, after suspicions arose that there might be backward masked subliminal messages in the song, Sissy New Age Cowboy, I hunted up some software that would play the song in reverse.  Listen for yourselves:

Sissy New Age Cowboy reversed

Let me know if you notice anything unusual.

Mister Manly


What?!?

July 24, 2008

While I rarely admit it, I am confused.  I just stumble across this:

Sissy New Age Cowboy

and have yet to make a decision on the manliness of punk – country western fusion music.  Just this once, I find myself open to discussion on a subject.

Mister Manly