Dear Mr. Manly,
My world has fallen apart and I desperately need your advice. My boyfriend, and the one I was hoping was Mr. Right, is the kind of guy you feel safe with in public, although not in private, if you know what I mean. Really, he looks so tough that street gang thugs cross the street to avoid confrontations with him. The only tiny flaw, or so I thought, he has is that he always has his ear phones on, listening to his MP3 player. Things were fine until, last week, I checked his play list while he was in the shower. OMG, it’s all Barry Manilow! I can’t look him in the eyes anymore! Please Help.
This is a more common problem than you think in our modern society. Men are encouraged to develop an outward image, but never instructed on the inner development to match it. Relax, it could be much worse. Your man could be a Yanni fan or, in an extreme case, a David Hasselhoff fan.
Your best bet to man up your guy’s mind is to lock him in the bedroom one weekend. Be sure to leave two large meat-lover’s pizza and a case of beer in plain sight. Then push your stereo speakers against the door and play the CD you burn of the following songs over and over again until he can repeat all of the lyrics. While that process is in progress, take a hammer to his girly MP3 player and replace it with a large and manly boom box.
Bad To The Bone (George Thorogood & The Destroyers)
Radar Love (Golden Earring)
Born To Be Wild (Steppenwolf)
Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)
Lawyers, Guns & Money (Warron Zevon)
A Pirate Looks At Forty (Jimmy Buffett)
A Boy Named Sue (Johny Cash)
Tangled Up In Blue (Bob Dylan)
Saturday Nights Alright (For Fighting) (Elton John)
Copperhead Road (Steve Earle)
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown (Jim Croce)
Play those at top volume and remember to stop every two or three resets to see if he can scream a close rendition of the lyrics. Once he can, make sure you have a hot pizza and some more beer waiting and let him out. It might be a good idea to have some male friends over to watch sports with him while his mind adjusts.
P.S. With this need in mind, I have added a Manly Song of the Week feature to the side bar.