I have to admit that this one caught me a bit by surprise.
Dear Mr. Manly,
First allow me to apologize in advance if my interpreters mangle your devilish language. With that said, my problem concerns my desire to destroy the evil Jews. While this is not at all uncommon in my culture, I find myself in a position of power from which I may be able to achieve this long held desire through the use of nuclear weapons. While, obviously, this would be cool on a grand scale, I have my doubts as to the manliness of this course, which is of great importance in my country and, since I like my job a lot, I don’t want to screw up and loose both it and my head. Your advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
Considering your deep seated problems where manliness is concerned, I’ll skip over explaining why you need to change your wimp name. Once you have a chance to follow my advice in this letter, get back to me on that subject.
First, and correct me if I’m wrong, I suspect you are a Muslim. While, on the surface, this appearers to be a manly religion, what with repressing women and all, closer examination shows that it is really a most un-manly form of religion, since it’s based on the fear that, somehow, females might surpass men in some way, so they can’t be allowed the chance to do so. Men aren’t afraid of challenges. In fact, they thrive on them. Thus, if you are afraid that a woman, once you allow her to cast off her burka, can best you in a camel race, rather than falling back on religion, you should just slice your nuts off with a good sharp knife and get it over with quickly, rather than slowly emasculating yourself through your fear.
Moving on to using nuclear weapons on the Jews and the manliness of such action, you have to ask yourself why you, and your fellow Muslims, have to resort to weapons of mass destruction to kick some Hebrew butt? Truly, if I remember my facts correctly, Muslims out number Jews by something like 100 to 1. If those odds aren’t enough to let you win a stand up – face to face fight, then my advice is for you to institute an emergency national program to teach your male population how to knit. That way, each “man” can make his own burka to hide under when the very tiny population of manly Jews decides to come looking for some Iranian ass to kick.