Manly gifts, volume VIII

Let’s take a look at some manly gifts of food, starting with a sampler of jerky:

This is a bit pricey at $185, but it’s 10 months of unusual jerky including ostrich and buffalo.  I’ve tried that last one and it was a very manly snack.


If you’re looking for something a little different to throw on the grill,

try 12-16 pounds of buffalo prime rib.  Really, isn’t that worth $370?

What list of manly food would be complete without hot sauce?  I think this one would be appropriate,

That’s Mad Dog 357 Collector’s Edition at slightly less than $20.  I’d point out that it’s a better buy than it sounds, since at 600,000 Scoville Units it should go a long way.

However, if your man likes it really hot,

That’s Blair’s 3 AM Reserve Pepper Extract, $35 for 2.5 oz of stuff that, at between 1,500,000 and 2,000,000 Scoville Units, actually goes beyond hot.

And, if your man is more than slightly insane,

or makes chili in 50 gallon batches, a bottle of The Source is the perfect $90 way to let him know you love him anyway.  By the way, this stuff is pure capsicum (the chemical that makes peppers hot) and rates 7,100,000 Scoville Units, this is an extremely DANGEROUS product if not used with care, which makes it extremely manly.
I don’t actually know if this stuff is manly or not, but Australians like it and that has to count for something.

Besides, a jar of Vegemite is worth $15 just so he’ll finally know what they’re talking about in that song about The Land Down Under.
Hot wings are manly and whiskey is manly so,

how can Jim Beam Hot Wing Sauce not qualify?  It’s only $5 a bottle and would make a manly addition to a gift list.

Sure, it would be very manly if he could shoot his own deer, but if you man doesn’t have the time,

it’s still manly to cook up a rack of venison.  At $105 to feed up to 8 people, it’s not even that expensive.

There aren’t many liquors more manly than tequila

and Cabo Wabo is the most manly tequila on the market.  Why, you might ask?  Because Sammy Hagar started the company that makes it!  That alone makes it well worth the $40 price.  Oh, and after your man has had a shot or five of it don’t let him drive at all, let alone over 55.


Ham is a manly food, and this is this,

10 kg hunk of PROSCIUTTO DI PARMA is also the real thing directly from the Parma hills of Italy.  While it sounds somewhat steep at 200 Euros, it’s actually a good deal, considering that the last time I bought some it cost me $2.50 an oz.  By the way, this stuff is killer on home made pizza.

Mister Manly


19 Responses to Manly gifts, volume VIII

  1. Girly says:

    I’m suddenly very hungry.

    I love beef jerky! Maybe I will order some and share with him 🙂 I have had buffalo jerky too… and buffalo burgers.. yum!

    As soon as I saw the Vegemite I thought of Men at Work!! 😆

  2. mistermanly says:

    Hi Girly,

    I know what you mean. I actually dropped a couple of items from this week’s list so I could get lunch. I’m thinking of ordering some Vegemite just to see what it tastes like, even though I suspect it can’t be very good or they’d sell it here in the States.

    Mister Manly

  3. Wait! Stop the presses!
    Do not, under any circumstances order “VEGEMITE!”
    Not only is it NOT kosher, it’s the closest tasting thing to buffalo bile on the planet. And I can say this with certainty, because I’ve taken “Outdoor survival training…” (I’m talking about the “buffalo bile.” Only someone completely insane would actually choose to eat Vegemite, voluntarily.) LOL!
    Not even starving aborigines will eat Vegemite. The only thing it’s good for is it’s use as a projectile. It’s a hand-sized bottle, filled with really dense material. That will definitely snap a forehead back…
    Just think of it as Haggis in a jar… Be afraid, be very afraid…
    (Incidentally, I was tricked into eating some Vegemite, by a lovely lass in Sydney, after I’d consumed several Fosters… There isn’t enough lager in the world to get the taste of that stuff outta your mouth…)
    But if you behave yourself, I’ll send you some Haggis jerky I got from a wise guy, for Hanukkah… Put enough of that hot sauce on it, and it might be tolerable…

  4. mistermanly says:

    Hi Al,

    Well, I’ve always wanted to taste haggis, but I think I’ll pass on the jerky and go for the real thing one of these days. Thanks for the warning about the Vegemite, although I’ve heard the same from other sources, although not with the comparison to buffalo bile. Speaking of which, I just have to ask if buffalo bile is kosher?

    Mister Manly

  5. Man, this Haggis Jerky is like a Christmas Fruitcake that never goes away! LOL!
    And alas, the Marine teaching the Survival Class insured me (at gunpoint) that it didn’t MATTER if the buffalo bile was “kosher…” Since I knew the gun was loaded (and that I wasn’t bulletproof), I “believed” him.
    BTW, Haggis tastes like “chewy dish soap.” And before you ask, yes, I’ve “tasted” dish soap. Mom used it liberally, when we were kids, if a swear word “slipped out…” I wonder if the dish soap was “kosher…” hmmmmm…

  6. mistermanly says:

    Hi Al,

    On the haggis issue, I think you must have gotten a bad one. Really, if you ignore the “stuffed in a sheep stomach” part, which isn’t all that different from hot dogs or many sausages, the rest, giblets, oats and spices, sounds quite tasty. While I don’t think we are lucky enough to have a local restaurant that serves this dish, it sounds like a fine culinary challenge to hunt up the ingredients and attempt to make it myself. I’ll be sure to post the results of my experiment.

    Mister Manly

  7. livininsanity says:

    Are any of the jerky flavors unmanly? What about ostrich?

  8. Pure Evyl says:

    Oh the things that I could do with a bottle of ‘The Source.’

  9. mistermanly says:

    Hi l,

    Good question. Teriyaki Turkey is unmanly. The ostrich jerky, however, is very manly since ostriches are the largest birds and very dangerous beasts.

    Hi Evyl,

    Just remember to wear gloves and eye protection while handling it.

    Mister Manly

  10. Sarah says:

    this reminds me of the time i was slicing some major hot peppers without gloves, and burned the nerve endings in my fingers. nobody saw it. but it KILLED!!
    Since im a female, i am allowed to cry over unmaly things like unseen nerve damage.

    now my man makes the chili.

  11. Sarah says:

    p.s.buffalo- Not kosher.
    Cow- yes kosher.

  12. mistermanly says:

    Hi Sarah,

    Cooking can be dangerous, which is why it’s manly 😉 For instance, I’ve sliced off large sections of two fingernails in the last couple of years, which was annoying, but not as bad as having to interrupt the cooking process while I staunched the flow of blood and picked the shavings out of the food.

    As to the hazards of some peppers, a small section of my tongue still has no feeling after I won $20 by eating a raw habenaro pepper 10 years ago. It was worth the sacrifice to me, but I would like to think that others may learn caution from my experience.

    Chili, by the way, is one of the most manly foods to prepare, so your decision was most wise.

    On the kosher thing, I, apparently, still have much to learn. On the other hand, exercising ones brain is just as manly as exercising ones body. Well, almost.

    Mister Manly

  13. Lemme get this straight…
    You sacrificed a part of your tongue, for a $20 bill… and for 10 years you’ve been deprived of the use of said “section” of the tongue, and it was worth the sacrifice, to you.
    That’s not (gasp!) manly…
    That’s “fiscally insane.”
    Tongues don’t grow on trees you know. Does your family tree have any branches?
    I didn’t think so…
    That’s what you get for living so close to Graceland… LOL!

  14. mistermanly says:

    Hi Al,

    It’s only a tiny spot and now I know with absolute certainty not to treat habenaros as snack food.

    Mister Manly

  15. And I thought I was crazy… you “rednecks” are nuts!
    My brother used to eat those little tiny filipino peppers like popcorn. Of course, he had an excuse; he is a 6’9″ 400 pound jarhead, with direct genetic links to my neanderthal parents… What’s your excuse?

  16. mistermanly says:

    Hi Al,

    It didn’t look all that hot.

    Mister Manly

  17. I think in my “next life” I’m gonna return as a biologist, and genetically engineer warning labels that appear on peppers, so rednecks don’t maim themselves. There’s gotta be a market for that, huh?
    And I’m wondering, what did you consume, to “put the fire out?”

  18. mistermanly says:

    Hi Al,

    Nothing. That was part of the bet.

    Mister Manly

  19. Ah, ya big stud, you… LOL!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: