Post election advice

I have been swamped this morning with desperate pleas from political junkies, Republicans, end-of-the-world nuts, ultra liberals, and others with little or no social life begging me, in fawning terms that I refuse to repeat, for advice on how to get past this election and on with what passes for their lives.  While my initial idea on a response involved creative ways to commit suicide so they’d leave me alone, shouldering the burden of responsibility is manly, so I have little choice but to offer the best advice I can.

First, take tomorrow off.  Well, those of you with a job or other timely responsibility, take tomorrow off.  The rest of you have already met this requirement.

Second, buy lots of beer and chips.  Those of you without a ready source of income can either borrow these items or swipe them as opportunity permits, although I must say that theft is not at all manly.

Third, lock your door, paint your windows black or, for you Republicans, dark red, disconnect your phone, detach your TV from everything except the DVD player, and turn off all the lights except one.

Forth, go out and rent a big stack of movies about war, anything science fiction, some Marx Brothers stuff, at least one John Wayne movie, and Sleepers by Woodie Allen.

Fifth, if you know a woman who is suffering from the same malady, invite her over.

Sixth, put a poorly made sign on your door that reads, “go away or I will kill you!”  It’s best if the letters are in red ink.

Seventh, make a play list – on your computer or whatever – alternating heavy metal and country western music.

Eight, watch the movies, eat the chips, drink the beer.  Between movies, crank up the music and have sex.

Ninth, repeat as necessary until thoughts of politics and the elections are gone from your mind.

Good luck,
Mister Manly

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6 Responses to Post election advice

  1. […] bookmarks tagged burden brothers Post election advice saved by 4 others     satanisten01 bookmarked on 11/05/08 | […]

  2. […] Post election advice I have been swamped this morning with desperate pleas from political junkies, Republicans, end-of-the-world nuts, ultra liberals, and others with […]

  3. Hey MM,

    If I can figure out how to attach wings and a rocket motor to this damned container (that I was turning into a house) I’m pointing it at Canada…

    At least they have “nationalized medicine” there… so I’ll get my anti-psychotics for free, huh?

    I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna get bumpy! LOL!

    Ronin

  4. mistermanly says:

    Hi Ronin,

    Having lived in The Great White North, I can tell you that there is no such thing as free medical care. Well, at least not if your time is of any value, since the waiting time to get the “free” service rivals any DMV in the world. There’s also those pesky high taxes to consider.

    You might also take into consideration that a large metal box is going to show up exceptionally well on radar, and the Air Force might take violent exception to your trip in these security conscious days.

    Still, it sounds like a manly adventure, so I wish you well. I would also advise you to aim for their west coast. The weather is nice and the French mostly stay on the opposite side.

    Mister Manly

  5. Hi MM,

    I already thought of the radar dilemma… I got me some “Stealth Paint, at the Ceramic Coatings store, I did…

    Plus, if I pack it full of our Mexican neighbors, I’m sure it’ll get over the border faster than you can say “enchilada…”

    Sorry to hear about the “free meds” situation though, paying for all those “crazy pills” is cutting into my Scotch budget…

    Parlez-vous ISBU? Hmmm?

    And “taxes?” What the hell are taxes? I’ve been working for goats and chickens so long, I can’t even remember how to spell “1040A!”

    I gotta go now! I’m busy practicing my “Obama is yo Mama!” invasion speech…

    Ronin

  6. mistermanly says:

    Hi R,

    Get your pills at Wal*Mart where I get mine. $10 for a three month supply.

    Oh, and I don’t think you’ll get any Mexican takers on a trip to Canada. Far too cold.

    Good luck with the flying brick,
    Mister Manly

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