Saving the auto industry the manly way.

It has come to my attention that our top three automobile manufacturers are in financial trouble, and their wimp CEOs are on their knees before Congress offering sexual favors if only the Government will bail them out of their mess with big piles of tax dollars.  Of course, since that mess is that the spineless executives in charge of these companies have become the bitches of the union thugs, so no amount of free money is going to save GMC, Ford, and/or Chrysler.

Fortunately, after noticing the number of news articles about piracy today, I’ve come up with a manly way for these companies to work their way out of financial difficulty without costing the American tax payer anything.  Congress and the President should grant letters of marque to the Big Three, making them legally able to act as privateers, or Government sponsored pirates sanctioned to attack ships of countries we don’t particularly like.  There are, last I checked, plenty of countries that qualify.

Given the violent history of the UAW, I’m sure there will be no shortage of people to man the ships.  I’ve even made up a flag for them:


In addition, since New York is just as poorly run, and so is in just as bad a shape, financially speaking, I’m sure they’d turn over the Staten Island Ferry for a share of the loot:


Which could quickly be armed with the latest weapons technology the auto makers can get their hands on, and based on how high tech their cars are this would be it:


Still, with a little imagination and hard work that should be enough to at least get them started on the road to recovery, and it’s definitely a more manly choice than begging a bunch of politicians for a handout.

Mister Manly


6 Responses to Saving the auto industry the manly way.

  1. Whaaaaa?

    While I usually (well… mostly… um… er… sometimes… okay, okay… once in a great while!) agree with you, this time you’ve gone too far!

    Don’t make me go all “canuck on yer ass, eh?”

    You trying to put Canadian sailors out of work? Okay, so Canadian beer sucks (mostly), and Canadian women aren’t all that hot (mostly… take Alanis Morriset for example), and Canadian food isn’t even close to being kosher (try convincing me that Canadian Bacon is edible by Jews)…

    Canadian sailors are putting their shoulders behind M16s and kicking the crap outta those Somalian miscreants as we speak.

    If the damn teamsters showed up, they’d make such a mess that the toxic cleanup would bankrupt most countries. Because they wouldn’t play nice at all. Nuh-uh! In fact, I doubt that they’d even give the pirates “fair warning.”

    And, although I don’t have a problem with that (much), I wonder how much “cargo” would actually make it back to the rightful owners, after the UAW latched onto it? Hmmm?

    After all, those Union Bigwig pensions don’t just materialize outta thin air, now, do they?

    Besides that, who wants to chase pirates in a vessel destined to be “Found On Reef Dead?”

    I know, I know.. I’m going now…


  2. mistermanly says:

    Hi Ronin,

    While it would seem that my attempts at humor could be written more clearly, it would also seem that you may have misunderstood the post.

    By the way, do cargo containers float?

    Mister Manly

  3. Hey MM,

    Nah… I just didn’t wanna “talk politics.” Thinking about the bailouts is making my stomach turn!

    Thus the “left turn.” Sorry. I thought it was an attempt (albeit meager) at added humor.

    Besides, the idea of hearing “I got yer “Argh Matey” right here, Youse Guys!” makes me laugh…

    My apologies…

  4. mistermanly says:

    Hi R,

    How about, “Give us your money, eh!” “Argh, it’ll be your back bacon or ye life.” “Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest Yo ho ho and a case of beer!”

    Mister Manly

  5. uaw says:

    PARIS, Ill. — The UAW filed a federal lawsuit against auto supplier ZF Boge today, stating the company’s decision to close its Paris, Ill., manufacturing plant is a breach of contract.

  6. Virgil says:

    I mantasmed when I read this.

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