It has come to my attention that our top three automobile manufacturers are in financial trouble, and their wimp CEOs are on their knees before Congress offering sexual favors if only the Government will bail them out of their mess with big piles of tax dollars. Of course, since that mess is that the spineless executives in charge of these companies have become the bitches of the union thugs, so no amount of free money is going to save GMC, Ford, and/or Chrysler.
Fortunately, after noticing the number of news articles about piracy today, I’ve come up with a manly way for these companies to work their way out of financial difficulty without costing the American tax payer anything. Congress and the President should grant letters of marque to the Big Three, making them legally able to act as privateers, or Government sponsored pirates sanctioned to attack ships of countries we don’t particularly like. There are, last I checked, plenty of countries that qualify.
Given the violent history of the UAW, I’m sure there will be no shortage of people to man the ships. I’ve even made up a flag for them:
In addition, since New York is just as poorly run, and so is in just as bad a shape, financially speaking, I’m sure they’d turn over the Staten Island Ferry for a share of the loot:
Which could quickly be armed with the latest weapons technology the auto makers can get their hands on, and based on how high tech their cars are this would be it:
Still, with a little imagination and hard work that should be enough to at least get them started on the road to recovery, and it’s definitely a more manly choice than begging a bunch of politicians for a handout.