Manly gifts for these unsettled times.

November 12, 2008

While it’s not manly to talk politics outside of an environment that doesn’t allow physical contact between those involved in the conversation, it’s also not manly to ignore how things are going in the country in general.  With that in mind, and not casting blame in any particular direction, it’s interesting to note that we are in unsettled political and financial times, and that this presents an opportunity to pick up some of those manly gifts your man wants at really good prices.  Thus, the items I’m listing today won’t have a price or source of purchase, but will be things you  should keep an eye open for a good deal on.

What man wouldn’t want to be part owner of an automobile manufacturer?

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And let’s face it, regardless of their fiscal soundness, General Motors has been the leader in making manly transportation for years.  Besides, even though the value of their shares has dropped enough that picking up a certificate for a hundred and having it framed for display on the garage wall is now in the stocking stuffer range, since the Government seems hell bent on propping the company up, it might even be a good investment.

On the other hand, what with high gas prices and economic woes, some of the more manly vehicles are not selling as well as usual, and good deals may be had on both new and used ones.

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So, while in normal times a Hummer or a sweet sports car might have been out of your price range, it couldn’t hurt to look around and see if something this manly can find its way into your drive way for Christmas.

Another industry that’s seeing hard times is home construction.

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And that should mean some excellent deals on the manly tools of that trade.  I’m thinking that the prices on used power tools, like nail guns, are so low that you’ll need an extra large tree to put them under.  Make sure you buy name brands that aren’t visibly beat up, and there should be some great man pleasing values around.

Guns.

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OK, you’re probably not going to get a deal on these.  Still, considering the new Government’s view on private firearm ownership, this might be the last chance you have to put something like this AR-15 in your man’s hands.  Trust me, he’ll be most grateful for it.  Oh, and don’t forget the extras – ammunition, large capacity magazines, and such.

What with large car engines being out of favor, some are finding creative ways to use the unwanted parts.

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While any man would drool over a V-8 grill, there are probably many more unique creations out there that would also be manly fun.  It couldn’t hurt to look.

It has also come to my attention that, due to the general fear for the economy, air travel rates are down, and the air lines are begging for customers.  This comes at a perfect time, because it should be quite reasonable to hand your man round trip tickets to California, so he can get in on the Prop 8 protests.

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While I have no general view on the manliness of gay marriage, I do think that, at times, a man needs a good fight, and I’m thinking that if your man can’t find a good reason to pound on either of these groups, then you’re probably reading the wrong blog.

Let us not forget the manliness of building stuff.

 

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That is a cargo container.  It’s a big steel box about the size of the trailers semi-trucks haul around.  They’re used in great quantity to ship things around the world on ships, trains, and trucks.  Fortunately, in a way, since we in the United States import more goods than we ship out, they tend to pile up over here.  This makes them right cheap.  They have all sorts of other uses, from extra storage to forming the basis for construction of an underground bunker.  My friend at http://renaissanceronin.wordpress.com/, is using them to build a house.  Still, whatever purpose that are put to, they are technically buildings once on the ground, so if you put two in the back yard, your home turns into a compound, and that is manly.

This last one is off theme, but after I found out the price I was compelled to include it.  It’s a motion sensitive automatic camera.

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It’s sometimes known as a game camera because biologists use them to monitor wildlife movement along game trails, and it is really manly cool.  The concept is that you strap it to a tree in a spot where you want to know what’s happening when you’re not there, come back later, and it has a picture of everything that moved in front of it, even in the dark.  I haven’t mentioned them before because I figured they would be far too expensive, but it turns out they can be obtained for around $100!  I would point out that, while I want some to keep an eye on what the critters are doing on my farm while I’m not looking, they have a large number of uses even in urban areas.  Are your children sneaking out at night?  Who’s raiding the refrigerator while you’re asleep?  Who swipes your newspaper most mornings before you get down to fetch it?  Who’s tossing trash in your yard as they drive by?  Now you can find out.  I’m putting this on my Christmas wish list, and if I get one I’ll post some of the resulting photos.

Mister Manly


8th of November

November 7, 2008

This is manly, in many ways.

Mister Manly


Time to share!?

November 5, 2008

Since this seems to be a time of personal and national turmoil for many, I’m thinking that it’s time to share a bit of my history as an object lesson.  While I could write a few thousand words to make my point, Steve Earl has managed to sum up most of what I had to say in a much more concise way.  This music is in my blood, and these words are close enough to my history as to be a bit scary. 

I’d also say that, “You’d better stay away from Copperhead Road,” pretty much expresses my attitude toward the next Administration, and the one before that, and the one before that, and so on.

Oh, and if you don’t remember that rumbling sound, you can think the environmentalists and our crap Government for missing out on a very manly part of American history.

Mister Manly


Post election advice

November 5, 2008

I have been swamped this morning with desperate pleas from political junkies, Republicans, end-of-the-world nuts, ultra liberals, and others with little or no social life begging me, in fawning terms that I refuse to repeat, for advice on how to get past this election and on with what passes for their lives.  While my initial idea on a response involved creative ways to commit suicide so they’d leave me alone, shouldering the burden of responsibility is manly, so I have little choice but to offer the best advice I can.

First, take tomorrow off.  Well, those of you with a job or other timely responsibility, take tomorrow off.  The rest of you have already met this requirement.

Second, buy lots of beer and chips.  Those of you without a ready source of income can either borrow these items or swipe them as opportunity permits, although I must say that theft is not at all manly.

Third, lock your door, paint your windows black or, for you Republicans, dark red, disconnect your phone, detach your TV from everything except the DVD player, and turn off all the lights except one.

Forth, go out and rent a big stack of movies about war, anything science fiction, some Marx Brothers stuff, at least one John Wayne movie, and Sleepers by Woodie Allen.

Fifth, if you know a woman who is suffering from the same malady, invite her over.

Sixth, put a poorly made sign on your door that reads, “go away or I will kill you!”  It’s best if the letters are in red ink.

Seventh, make a play list – on your computer or whatever – alternating heavy metal and country western music.

Eight, watch the movies, eat the chips, drink the beer.  Between movies, crank up the music and have sex.

Ninth, repeat as necessary until thoughts of politics and the elections are gone from your mind.

Good luck,
Mister Manly


Election day at last!

November 4, 2008

VOTING IS MANLY

GO DO IT!

Mister Manly


Manly Halloween tips

October 28, 2008

With the approach of Halloween, which is a rather confusing holiday in many ways, I’ve had a few requests for tips on how to remain manly during the festivities.  Here they are, and take note that this advice is for adults only:

1.  Fake weapons are NOT manly.  It’s quite appropriate to dress up as a pirate or cowboy or such, but for true manliness, the swords, knives, chainsaws, and pistols involved have to be real and functional.  Guns should be unloaded and edged weapons should remain in their sheaths but, unless you’re a trained actor, you’ll never get the proper swagger in your step carrying a piece of plastic.

2.  Bobbing for apples is not manly, although you may be able to pull it off if you’re bald.

3.  No costume in pink is appropriate.

4.  No tights unless you’re just looking for a fight.

5.  Be careful not to go overboard with feathers.  One or two as hat ornaments are OK; any more and you’re taking a big chance with your macho status.

6.  Always give out good candy and make certain to have a sufficient supply on hand.  Otherwise, you may be forced to physically detain a neighborhood kid for egging your house, and that’s a no win situation.

7.  In these strange times, make absolutely sure you know who, or what, you’re flirting with at the costume party.

8.  Punch is not manly, even if real eyeballs are floating in it.  Insist on a beer.  If none is available, the party is not manly, so you can either leave or fetch some from the cooler in your truck.

9.  Costumes that restrict your freedom of motion are not manly, for the simple reason that, should a fight start, you are likely to get your butt kicked.  Also, I would point out that something like getting your butt kicked while wearing a giant condom costume may lower your manliness to the point where a sex change operation is your only option.

10. Trick or treating is not manly.  Well, not for candy anyway.

Enjoy yourselves and, remember, let’s be manly out there.

Mister Manly


Representive John Murtha should kiss my redneck ass.

October 21, 2008

While I, Mister Manly, don’t normally like getting into political issues as, apart from military funding, they’re generally pretty wimpy, I find it impossible not to make an exception in the case of Rep. John Murtha because of his recent comment about rednecks.  Earlier in the week this feeble minded fool blamed his own constituantents lack of enthusiam for voting for Obama on their racism.  When called to task for this remark, he appoligised and insisted that it was only a reaction to the high redneck population in the area that made him mention it at all.

So, being a member of the minority that the fat aging brain damaged good Representative feels comfortable about insulting, I’d just like to issue an invitation to his sorry ass to come down here and settle it like men.  I know that at some point in his distant past he must have been a man since he was a Marine.  While it’s truly sad to see someone like that sink into the depths of insanity, his remarks are also beyond tollerating.  Still, since it’s obvious that, even though I am starting to feel the effects of age, I’d kill him with the first punch, let us make it fair.  You, John, bring whatever “friends” you have in the House down, and I’ll invite my black friends, who are all Democrats by the way but who I’m thinking would like to take a swing or three at you elitist Yankee assholes, and we’ll have a big fun brawl on my front lawn.  Heck, I’ll even buy the beer.

While you’re trying to work up enough courage to even consider my challenge, shove this up your Cut-And_Run old ass:

While you’re at it, bring Obama with you.  I may have a few years on him, but I’d purely love to take a shot at him.  Oh, and make sure Pelosi is in attendance.  Some of the local ladies are just dieing to have some of her hair 🙂

Bring it, you intollerant bastard!
Mister Manly